SL for Nowt

Browsing the search terms for the blog in order to come up with another in the ‘Those Little Questions’ series is always an interesting exercise for me. Occasionally the search terms will throw out a giggle, sometimes they’ll make me frown, but more often than not they’ll make me sigh.

So many of those search terms are to do with suspicion, particularly in relationships of all stripe, from friendship to intimate. The ability to create alt accounts in SL lends itself to duplicitousness just as easily as it does usefulness, and it’s easy to read between the lines of some of those questions:

– How to find out if someone has more than one Second Life avi?
(“I think my partner/friend is cheating on me/avoiding me by using an alt account.”)

– Can anyone else see my friends list?
(“I’m worried that my partner/friend might find out that I’m talking to XXX, whom they don’t like/whom they don’t want me talking to/whom I’m seeing behind their back.”)

-How do I check when someone logs in on Second Life?
(“I think my partner/friend is using an alt, so how can I find out when that alt logs on without friending them?”)

Because Second Life is exactly that – an extension of our real lives – and because we become so invested in our avatars, we often fall harder when it comes to relationships, whereas in real life we may be more wary. How many times have you struck up a random conversation while stalking a lucky chair in SL, ending with a friendship offer? Now compare that to how many times you’ve struck up a random conversation while waiting for a bus in real life, ending with an exchange of telephone numbers? They amount to the same thing: a chance encounter culminating in the ability to contact each other whenever we wish to, but it is far more likely to happen in Second Life than it is in real life.

Why are we less wary in SL? Well, obviously, exchanging calling cards or adding to a friends list online is vastly different to giving out real life information such as addresses and phone numbers. But, quite often, SL relationships eventually progress to real life. Phone numbers are exchanged (or, at least, Skype sessions become a frequent feature) and those who begin serious relationships with others in-world often carry those relationships onto a real-world footing.

I’m not knocking it, by any means. There have been more than a few marriages in real life that were borne of friendships that blossomed into intimate relationships in Second Life. But the anonymity of SL does lend itself to a lowering of our usual, real-world cautiousness: that, “Wait a minute; I only just met you so I’m sure as hell not giving you my home address!” moment that will stop us from giving too much away in real life.

Sad to say, the vast majority of relationships in SL don’t last. In my experience in-world, I’ve seen SL marriages of less than three months dissolved, before the female avatar is once again in a bridal dress with someone entirely new. And there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as hearts don’t get hurt. Just as some like to roleplay vampires or Gor or pregnancy or childhood, so others love the fairytale marriages and fall quickly and easily in love.

But then there is the downside that sometimes comes, and thus we’re back to the suspicion, the wondering why the partner logs on later and later each day (and sometimes not at all), the assumption that they’re using an alt, and then the trying to find out who/how/when/etc.

Mar hasn’t been burned by this, because she’s not in SL for relationships. But she’s seen it happen a lot. She could offer the advice of ‘Guard Your Hearts’ but then if you guard your heart there’s the chance of missing a wonderful relationship, however short-lived it may be.

There are no answers; just a lot of rambly words (and I swear that this post actually had a point when I thought of it late last night, but I’m buggered if I can remember it now!) SL still retains its magic for me, even when I’m reading search terms like those listed at the top of this post, and the virtual cynic in me can almost predict the true reason the answers to them are being sought out.